How Do I Choose the Right Therapist?
Today’s post comes from a friend and colleague of mine, Madeleine Smith. Madeleine is a highly-skilled Licensed Professional Counselor in Austin, Texas who specializes in individual and couples counseling. Take it away Madeleine…
6 Steps to Finding the Right Therapist
Friends and family reach out to me all the time asking for therapist referrals. I love that people are seeking support…it is exciting! But I also know how overwhelming it can feel to start the process. There are so many therapists out there, and the fear of picking the “wrong” therapist can cause many people to hesitate in their search.
Currently, there are more options for therapy than ever, especially with telehealth. And while that accessibility is a good thing, it can also make it harder to know where to begin. The vulnerability in looking for a therapist can be quite daunting to someone who has never been in therapy before. Starting the process shows strength, bravery, and a genuine effort to better yourself. Fortunately, there is no way to get this process “wrong” or mess it up. It is simply learning through effort and practice.
Most people do not struggle because they do not want help; rather, they struggle because they do not know how to choose a therapist they are comfortable opening up to. What often gets in the way of finding a good therapist can be overthinking, waiting for the “perfect” fit, and avoiding starting altogether.
There are so many unknowns of how therapy is “supposed to go” simply because every person’s experience is unique and therapy involves many variables that are difficult to predict.
Today I wanted to share a simple, practical approach to finding a therapist who actually fits your needs.
Before we get into the steps, there are two things worth mentioning:
1. It takes real time and effort to find the right therapist.
This isn’t something most people can figure out in one quick search.
2. A “good” therapist is subjective.
To me, a good therapist is someone who meets you where you are emotionally, feels aligned enough to build a real therapeutic relationship, and can support you in reaching your goals. A therapist can be highly trained and still not be the right fit for you. And that does not necessarily mean either of you is doing anything wrong. A good therapist can be someone you connect with even when you are nervous, anxious, or unsure how the therapeutic process works.
If you are not in an immediate crisis and you are looking for a therapist (especially outside of insurance), I suggest you begin by following these six steps.
Step One: Get clear on your values and what you want.
Before you start searching, sit down and write out what actually matters to you. This will help you set the tone of what you want and what you are looking for in your therapeutic relationship and experience. If this is new to you, you can imagine this as a conversation with a friend who does not know any of your family, friends, or coworkers, and that person’s sole job is to be your biggest cheerleader. What would you like for that person to be about?
Do you want a therapist who shares your cultural or faith background?
Do you value warmth, directness, and/or structure?
Do words like empathy and authenticity matter to you when you read a bio?
This step makes everything else easier.
Step Two: Ask people you trust for referrals.
Reach out to your friends, family, or people that you trust. People who work in the mental health field or have consistently participated in therapy themselves often make great referral sources.
Personal referrals can give you a much more grounded starting point than searching from scratch. They can give you a few names that point you in the right direction. Maybe you find a therapist in a group practice and can explore other options that way.
Step Three: Get specific about your non-negotiables.
Ask yourself:
Do I want in-person or virtual sessions?
Do I need a sliding scale, or am I open to private pay?
Do I want someone who shares my racial, cultural, or identity background?
Do I need someone knowledgeable about specific relationship dynamics?
The more specific you get, the easier it is to filter your options. Most people stay broad because they are afraid of ruling a potential therapist out, but staying vague is what keeps you stuck scrolling through hundreds of profiles. A good therapist will also be upfront about what their non-negotiables are, as well. And it is okay to ask them what their non-negotiables are during your consultation.
This is usually the point where people start to feel overwhelmed - and it is also the point where getting more specific actually makes things easier.
Step Four: Look for alignment, not just general specialties.
Searching for “anxiety therapist” will give you endless options.
But narrowing down your search (like someone who works with anxiety and grief or anxiety during major life transitions) will point you toward a much better fit.
Therapists who are clear about whom they work with are doing that intentionally. If you see yourself reflected in their “ideal client,” that is usually a good sign. Therapists want to find their ideal clients because that is who they work with best and believe they can help the most. It is just as important to them as it is to you!
Step Five: Reach out and schedule a consultation.
Most therapists offer free 15–20 minute consultations. Use them.
A therapist might look like a great fit online but feel completely different in conversation.
Reach out through their website or profile and set up a time to connect. You can usually contact therapists through their websites, Psychology Today profiles, or through their email. In setting up a consultation you have the option of a phone call or a virtual call as well.
You are not trying to say the ‘right’ thing on a consultation call; rather, you are paying attention to how you feel in the conversation.
Step Six: Ask yourself the right questions after the call.
After the consultation, take a moment to check in with yourself:
Did I feel safe talking to him or her?
Did what they said actually align with what I’m looking for?
Do I feel open to trying a few sessions and seeing where this goes?
You do not need to overanalyze but your initial reaction matters. If you enjoyed the consultation but want to keep looking, you have every right to ask the therapist for referrals and recommendations for other therapists who work with similar clients.
Starting with someone does not mean you are committing forever. Therapy is a process, and a strong therapeutic relationship takes time to develop. By following these six steps, you will put yourself on path toward personal improvement.
If you are looking for a therapist who specializes in helping high-achieving professionals build personal lives that feel just as rich and fulfilling as their work lives, let’s talk.
You can reach out or schedule a consultation HERE.